Sooooo, today I’ve felt pretty negative too :/ I woke up this morning feeling terribly bloated and fat and yuck and, well….. The list can go on forever, …. So anyway.
I decided to distract myself by getting creative with my breakfast this morning and failed at making a parfait, but hey hoo. I also made 2 ingredient cookies today (well 3 as I added cinnamon, along with mashed banana and musli) and they turned out pretty good. They’re only baby, I pushed myself and tried one too :) boyaaa.
~ Danio strawberry yogurt and 30g of cereal with a peach,apple, strawberries and 4 slices of frozen banana :) made into a sad looking breakfast parfait :(
~ cuppa javaaaaa with almond milkaaaaa.
~ a peaaarr (a blush one or whatever it’s called)
~ half a can of tinned tomatoes on 2 slices of whole meal toast.
~ horlicks light instant, sachet thingy.
~ a cut up pink lady apple with a serving of melted peanut butter(aaahhhhhhhhh, doing it more often until it doesn’t make me feel fat and suicidal!) for dipping, oh and a baby strawberry just cause ;)
~ cuppa with splash of almond milk
~ one of my cute baby homemade banana & musli cookie thingies.
~ John west tuna pouch (tomato and basil dressing one)
~ serving of bulgar wheat with a few peas chucked in and random chopped up apricots ;)
~ 1/2 a red pepper, dry roasted… Nooommmmyy.
~ a serving of green beans. Gotta love yer vegetation ;)
And then, as I realised I was short by Atleast 300kcal from my normal intake I’ve been pushing myself to have lately (today I tried to just do it without a meal plan, but failed slightly) I ended up, even though I was stuffed and didn’t want to as I’m obese already… Having a Danio cherry yogurt and half a little box of raisins with cinnamon on top!!!!!! Woooo, gotta love the cinnamon. I’ve just gonna keep pushing myself and doing what I need to do if I ever wanna break free from this eating disorder and all the restrictions it comes with… As well as all the restrictions being an unhealthy weight comes with (not aloud to dance or start gym member ship), as well as forever having digestion issues and bloated tummy, and dry skin, and sunken eyes, and fucked up emotions and irrational thoughts, and being weak and not toned….. And embarrassed for letting anorexia nearly beat me again :/,…
It’s not happening this time, I won’t let it :)…
I’ve got a purpose for life now (ive been told my apprentiship date! i start on the 3rd june!, wooo) and I intend to start living a healthy happy life ASAP (even if it means having to pay £30 a month for a gym membership… It’ll be worth it I hope, one day I will love my body and respect it for all it can do)
Love you all recovery warriors